As a proud bisexual woman, for years I've had to navigate a grey area that my identity occupies on the sexuality spectrum. Despite all of the progress the LGBT community has made, bisexuals are still looked upon with confusion - by gays, lesbians, and straight people alike. From people asking me if I was "full-blown gay yet" to others questioning my reality, I've probably heard it all.
Coming out as bisexual, I've found that many people have a hard time filtering out the inappropriate or uncomfortable inquiries they want to know about. While I'm happy to address some of their questions, there are a few that either do not or should not be asked because they are particularly intrusive or rude. While there are surely many more, here are some questions you should never ask a bisexual person -
1. Are You Sure It Isn't Just A Phase?
This is a question that just doesn't need to be asked. It's really rude and implies that you don't think the person coming out is capable of understanding their own sexual orientation. If they are telling you, then they know they are bisexual, that should be all the proof you need.
Bangs are a phase. Emo hair is a phase. Bisexuality is not. While some people do initially come out as bi and then realize that they are in fact gay, it does not invalidate all other bi people. Even if that is the case, it is up to the individual to figure that out on their own, without pressure from others telling them their sexual orientation isn't real.
2. Who Do You Like More? Men or Women?
Honestly, for many bi people attraction can fluctuate from day to day; it's hard to predict who you'll meet, who you'll be attracted to and why. But asking a bi person to put a numeric value on their levels of attraction to each sex is just pointless - it's not always straightforward, or simple.
Some people do feel more attraction to a particular gender more than the other, but that does not make it okay to ask anyway. It's a personal choice, and depends from person to person - but one thing is for sure, bisexual people are attracted to most genders. No matter which one they lean towards.
3. You'd Love Threesomes Then, Isn't It?
This is the most exhausting question I have ever been asked. It makes it nearly impossible to use dating apps. Inevitably, I end up being asked by a couple to join them for some group sex.
Anyone can enjoy threesomes, not just bisexuals. So there are bisexuals who do enjoy threesomes, just not every one of us. Asking someone this is just plain rude regardless of what their sexuality is. Intrusive, rude and uncalled for.
4. When You Date The Opposite Gender Are You Straight?
Just because I’m dating someone of one gender doesn’t erase my attraction to any and all other genders. When I’m in a relationship, it means that I’ve chosen a person, not a gender.
It's like if you've loved McDonald's all your life, but choose to go to subway, your second preference, instead - it doesn't erase the fact that McDonald's is also your favourite. It's a very pointless question to ask, honestly.
It makes the person doubt their own sexuality and furthermore it's extremely difficult to answer the question without getting at least mildly annoyed.
5. This Mean You're More Likely To Cheat, Isn't It?
A cheater is a cheater. Bisexual people cheat, and so do people who identify as straight, gay, trans, or anything else. A person's sexuality or gender identity doesn't make them cheat.
It's really rude and inappropriate to assume that just because a person like more than one gender, they become a cheater or potential threat in a relationship. Think of it this way, I had several options and yet I chose this one person - why worry so much? This question is simply unnecessary and extremely insensitive.
A good rule of thumb is don't ask a bisexual person a question you wouldn't ask someone of any other orientation and try to be polite. It's really that simple. And you always have Google to guide you through your weird, annoying or rude questions, so spare the bi person the pain.