We've all been there. You're with some friends, everything's going fine, and then out of the blue your straight friend says something like "well why isn't there a straight pride?" or "OMG I love gay people," or "please stop making RuPaul's Drag Race references at me." Then everything gets awkward.
Well regardless of whether these comments and questions come from a place of genuine confusion or plain bigotry - they are never welcoming. Here are some questions you should never ask a gay person.
1. You Don't "Look" Gay, Are You Sure You Are?
A lot of "masculine" gay men often get this from people, and it’s almost always intended as a compliment. Here’s a friendly reminder: Gay men come in all shapes, sizes, and colours. If someone tells you they identify as gay, there’s no need to say things like this. Plus, you can't really "look" like a sexual identity, so yeah you're probably right - no one looks like a whole sexual identity. So what's the point of asking - just skip the question.
2. So Who's The Girl In The Relationship?
No one. Neither is the woman because they're both men. By assuming that all gay relationships equate to one female-presenting and one male presenting individual then you are feeding the stereotype. It's so pointless to ask because the answer is right there in front of you. There's really nothing worse than asking someone this question - it only makes the other person feel bad.
3. I Love Gay People! Let's Be Friends?
You "love" gay people? How many do you know? How many are your friends? How many do you see very regularly? Do you like gay boys, or do you like the idea of the stereotypical gay male playing dress-up with you and giving you love advice? The fact that someone is gay is not reason enough for people to be friends.
4. Why Are All The Hot Guys Gay?
First, this implies that all gay men are well-groomed and probably lean and muscular and fit a very stereotypical definition of male beauty. Second, you’re probably only forming this opinion based on the 10 gay men you’ve seen in your life. This is such a redundant question to ask.
5. Am I Cute? Would You Date Me If I Was Gay?
For some reason, lots of straight people are really keen to be validated by people they have no sexual interest in. Even if you are cute, why would a gay person be interested in you? It's right there - they are gay! A little logic would help answer this question and not make you look all that bad in the situation. So it's best not to ask.
A good rule of thumb is don't ask a gay person a question you wouldn't ask someone of any other orientation and try to be polite. It's really that simple. And you always have Google to guide you through your weird, annoying or rude questions, so spare the lesbian person the pain.