Normally, when anyone identifies as a lesbian, people tend to have questions. Presumably, many of these questions are out of genuine curiosity, and it's understandable - because as a society, homosexual normalities are neither discussed nor explored within our day to day lives in the ways that heterosexual normalities are explored.
However, with that being said, a lot of the questions people receive are inappropriate and degrading. So, to save you the embarrassment of seeming intolerable, here are five questions you should never ask a lesbian.
1. Who’s The Man In The Relationship?
This one’s really, really simple. Neither is the man because they're both women. By assuming that all lesbian relationships equate to one more female-presenting and one male presenting individual then you are feeding the stereotype. A lesbian, even if she is with a masculine-presenting woman, is attracted to the female mind, body and soul. Society determining what is “real” masculinity or “real” femininity is a social construct created by patriarchy. It does not speak to actual relationships or expressions of gender. Remember that women can exist together without male figures or influences.
2. How Do You Have Sex?
Despite how obviously intrusive and offensive, this question is, lesbians are subjected to it quite regularly. Presumably, the confusing part is the lack of a penis, being that some lesbians don’t have them. I get it, you’re curious; but it’s really not that complex, I promise. When you’re meeting two lesbians for the first time, please remember that they view their sex lives as something private - just like non-lesbians do. We live in the age of technology and the answer is at your fingertips. To save yourself the awkward silence that will follow, please just Google it. I’m sure there is a Wikihow, a YouTube video or an article that will answer all the questions you may have.
3. Have You Tried Being With A Man?
Contrary to popular belief, it has been determined that same-sex attraction is not a choice. Therefore, a woman wouldn’t necessarily have to be with a man in order to know that she is attracted to women - as one reaches puberty and sexual maturation, one’s sexuality develops along with it. Not to mention, even if a woman previously experienced heterosexual relationships, it isn’t going to “fix” her attraction to females. How do you know you are straight if you’ve never slept with someone of the same sex?
4. Why Do You Hate Men?
Being a lesbian has absolutely nothing to do with the hatred of men. They just aren’t attracted to men on an intimate (or physical) level. This has nothing to do with disliking men as human beings. In fact, sometimes lesbians have many things in common with men, like their love for women, for example, or maybe even fashion. Many lesbians have several guy friends that are members of the straight and gay communities. Lesbian women may dislike the social privileges inherently received by men, especially when men do not recognize their advantages, but this does not speak to a specific male character.
5. Can I Watch/ Can We Have Threesome?
No, you cannot watch. And no, they probably don't want to have a threesome with a random stranger - and a man at that. Anyone can enjoy threesomes, not just lesbians. So there are lesbians who do enjoy threesomes(with women.) Asking someone this is just plain rude regardless of what their sexuality is. You would never like being asked the same, so why bother?
A good rule of thumb is don't ask a lesbian person a question you wouldn't ask someone of any other orientation and try to be polite. It's really that simple. And you always have Google to guide you through your weird, annoying or rude questions, so spare the lesbian person the pain.