Sex fantasies are normal. We all do have a list of things that get us off, as crazy as they may seem! While the subject was tabooed years ago the norms are now changing. We still haven’t gotten to the stage of being vocal about our fetishes, but well, sex is no more something that only is spoken of behind closed doors. We did a little hocus pocus and decode the most common sex fantasies for you!
Are sex fantasies considered normal?
Like we said earlier if you have a sex fantasy there is nothing abnormal about it. Sex fantasies cannot be fit into the norm. If it manages to get you turned on, of course, it’s normal! The conflict however arises when your fantasy fetishes are a tad bit different from who you are as a person. Most people find themselves confused with this conflict of interest. However, what you need to bear in mind is that it’s okay. In your fantasyland, you need not be the same version you are in reality! Now that we have helped you ascertain that, let’s get started on the real deal.
Do sex fantasies have a deeper meaning?
Varuna Srinivasan is a queer immigrant woman of colour. She writes and creates educational content around decolonizing sexual health, prioritizing emotional wellness, and reproductive justice. While speaking about sexual fantasies, Varuna says “Sex fantasies can be a gateway into a person's deepest desires and they can change often. Kinks, fantasies and fetishes are completely normal. It is normal for us to fantasize about engaging in them, whether it's group sex, rough sex, or passionate sex.”
So yes, sex fantasies are more than just wild imaginations that get you excited, but rather windows into what humans really crave subconsciously. Varuna points out, giving basis to this fact that according to Justin J. Lehmiller PhD in his study and book 'Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life', “he mentions that those interested in group sex have a desire to be sexually competent and to be sexually irresistible. He also found that those who fantasize about romance/passionate sex have a desire to connect with their partners on an emotional level.”
Are sex fantasies healthy?
Of course, they are! The only aspect that deems a sex fantasy doable or not, is consent. If both partners consent to the fantasy, no matter how wild it is, there is nothing wrong with experimenting. While sex fantasies may intrude on your ‘morally right’ self, everyone needs a little fun every once in a while.
“When people approach me and list their sex fantasies, it just tells me that people are adventurous and willing to experiment! I encourage everyone to take part in their sexual fantasies as long they are not harmful to themselves or others,” says Varuna.
Decoding the most common sexual fantasies
Varuna has been in the field for a long long time and she tells Bingedaily the most common sexual fantasies that her clients have spoken to her about. If you find a fantasy of yours listed here, here is what it indicates.
Kinks and fetishes are probably the most common sex fantasies doing the rounds in the bedroom. A Fifty Shades Of Grey type scene with handcuffs, chained to the bed and unable to escape! Bondage, submission, domination and masochism are all part of this power-play fantasy and you can give it a try too to spice up things.
Translating the deeper meaning of this, a sex fantasy that involves BDSM would mean that you love being in control, in charge. You love calling the shots and have the other be submissive to you.
A fetish that involves being turned on by your married partner having sex with someone else with your full consent. While the earlier definition of cuckolding involved a man being cheated on by his wife while he was unaware, the modern definition implies that both partners consent to this.
The underlying meaning behind this fetish is that jealously promotes sexual craving. Seeing your partner with someone else can put you into sexual overdrive and thus make your next sex session longer and more exciting.
There is also the humiliation aspect. Ironically, being cheated on and seeing your partner with someone else ups the erotic intensity and makes for better sex.
Being the naughty boy in class who needs a little spanking to be good! Or getting into the shoes of the erotic massager! Role play never stops being fun in the bedroom and is another common sexual fantasy that can spice up your sex life.
Why are humans so turned on by being other people during sex? The answer may lie in the fact that everyone loves an escape from their worlds for a while. They love living other lives and being other people even if it's just for a brief period of time.
Another reason could be that people feel weird to behave in a particular way during sex if their usual personality is different from it. Thus, by taking on the role of someone who isn’t you, you can go wild and free and experiment!
Foot and armpit fetish
Loving the smell, taste, feel of the feet or the armpits during sex is called maschalagnia and stems from the subconscious attractions to certain body odours.
Humans deeper desires and cravings and needs are similar to those of primitive animals and the sense of smell is one such basic instinct. Thus, enjoying the pungent smell of certain body areas is very common as a turn-on mechanism.
As polyamorous relationships are becoming increasingly common, group sex is no longer something to shy away from. It refers to more than 3 people getting it on and the fun part about this fantasy coming alive is that there is no dearth of pleasure.
Having the craving to engage in group sex translates to needing to feel wanted. Wishing to know that there are multiple people who find you attractive and wish to have you in the bedroom can be a great booster for many people’s sex life.
What is your sex fantasy? However wild or imaginative or crazy, we assure you that you are not the only one.
You can contact Varuna Srinivasan at firstname.lastname@example.org for her expert advice on matters of sex and relationships.