Dating apps are a great way to meet people in a time when work takes up 10 percent of your time and the rest is engulfed in watching Netflix. And yet, dating apps also seem to be facing the wrath – especially of women – for not being able to find decent man. And it is a challenge for men as well, to figure out how to speak to women, approach them on dating app.

There’s no golden rule to being good at dating apps. Some people are just better at it naturally and naturally attractive people have an unfair advantage no matter how bad they are at flirtatious banter. While there is no definitive way to know that you might just end up having the dream date, there are pretty good rules of thumb — no swiping pun intended – to approach women.

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We will let you in on a few things that women like to be approached with. For example using  specific compliments. The first message has to be a sincere and specific compliment about something from their profile like taste in movies, or books. Starting with ‘You’re a Imtiaz Ali fan? Nice!’ would go a long way. Men would have scored lots of points by showing that you read their profile, and asked an engaging question.

This is important because an opening message which is as boring as a ‘Hi ‘How’s your day?,’ ‘What’s up?’ or any version of hello. In Approaching someone with a confident hello is a great way to talk, but on any dating app it makes you seem boring, and they might not reply.

But that does not mean you should not be straightforward about how serious you are. Dating apps and online dating make casual ‘hangouts’ not only easy, but expected. If casual ‘hangout’ that leads to a casual non-committal relationship is not your thing, you need to take control of the dating platform and set the expectation of being serious and on-purpose for a real relationship. Attempt to make real connection through pre-date conversations where you ask real substantive questions and make an effort to pre-qualify. Then go on a real date. Not a coffee date or a quick drink, but a date, without any intentions of ‘getting some’ in the end.

Getting sexual  is the last thing a woman expects, especially on a first date with someone she knows nothing about. Whether on messages or when you meet, get friendly, not filthy as it can come across as vulgar. Flirting a little is great, and funny won’t just break the ice. It will melt the ice, but no expections towards sex.