At some point or the other in every relationship, you have to sit down and have ‘the talk.’ ‘Talk’ about your future together or apart, it’s scary. But it’s the only way out to find out whether you are on the same page or not. The conversation itself is hurtful and awkward, it might just be a great or very terrible time to do it right now. But you wouldn’t know until you go for it.
Now that we have ample time at our disposal and our lives basically being at pause, important discussions can bring additional pressure. On one hand, this pandemic might have made you understand yourself and what you want better than ever, on the other hand, it might have just been confusing for you.
Before jumping to ‘the talk’ with your partner, it’s equally important to have a little conversation with yourself. To ask yourself a few questions so that you have better clarity.
Questions You Need To Ask Yourself
Is this the right time or are you just bored?
Sometimes we’re confused about what we want especially during a time like now. That is why It becomes extremely important to know that you are ready to have a conversation with your partner about your future and not just because you’ve got nothing better to do.
What are you hoping to get out of this discussion?
Do you want to reach a conclusion or do you want to just share what you are feeling? The question here is about what you want the end result to be like and that depends on the kind of conversation you are willing to have.
How likely is it that the person’s feelings have changed since the last time the two of you discussed this topic?
If you’ve talked about it before, has it changed anything so far? Does it make sense to bring it up again? Did you leave the conversation mid-way last time? You need to observe as well as learn about your partner’s feelings before bringing it up again. If you’re going through a stressful time, this might only add up to the stress.
If you’ve worked up all these questions, you need to start prepping up for the discussion.
How To Talk About Your Future Together
Understand What You Want First
Before you start a conversation as important as where you see a significant relationship going, it's a good idea to take some time to thoughtfully examine your own desires and goals. This way, when you finally have this conversation, you will be able to express yourself clearly.
At this time, when you’ve finally realized that this is it. This is the time and you’re ready for a conversation like that, it’s most likely after you’ve figured what you really want. But the second-best step here is, to be honest about it. You might feel the need to sugarcoat things so your partner doesn't feel bad or hurt but that’s not the way to go about it. Being harsh and mean isn't either. Being honest only means you’re speaking your heart out, whether it’s about taking the relationship to another level or maintaining distance. If you understand each other well, this part won’t be difficult.
Be Supportive, Even If Their Answers Aren't What You Wanted to Hear
Even if you are deeply upset by what your partner has to say, it's important to respect what your partner wants for themselves. If things are getting too heated and you need a break, tell them that you need some time alone to think things through, and feel free to remove yourself from the situation.
No one said having conversations about the future was easy, but by thinking things through and starting off on a positive note, you'll both be able to walk away with clarity. In the end, regardless of how you both decide to proceed with your relationship, in hindsight, you'll be glad you stayed true to yourself.
You Don’t Have To Figure Everything Out In One Conversation
Don’t put too much pressure on this conversation. It’s fine to say “Let’s talk more about this later” or “Hey, I’d like to revisit this conversation in a few months — how do you feel about that?”
It’s not necessary to reach a conclusion leaving both of you on the same page every time you have this conversation. It could sometimes be effective and sometimes not, accepting this would lessen the pressure you put on this discussion to reach a certain point.
Everything about this conversation will be much easier as long as you and your partner are honest and communicative. Understanding is all that you need for you to sail smoothly in this boat of love!