Sex toys vibrate, pulse, and do lots of things our bodies can’t. They introduce new and exciting sensations, which can help lots of people have more intense, complex, or frequent orgasms. With so many options out there, couples can keep things interesting and varied. This helps avoid boredom and sexual dissatisfaction.
Sex toys aren’t as taboo as they were in the past. Despite that, many hesitate to introduce them into relationships. Talking to your partner about using them together shouldn’t be a painful experience. We share some tips to broach the subject safely and productively.
1. Timing is Key
The last thing you want to do is pull out the toy randomly during sex unless you feel your partner will appreciate the surprise and feel comfortable. They might feel pressured or anxious, which will cause conflict or play into their insecurities. While there’s no perfect time to bring the issue of sex toys up, it’s important to show consideration. You might have been together for years. That doesn’t change anything.
If you’ve never had an open talk about sexual desires and needs, the subject of toys could be a great place to start. It’s always best to discuss any new things you want to try. This should be obvious, but if someone feels anxious talking about something outside of bed, they’ll be even more so actually trying it.
Formulate it like a general question. Ask them what they think about trying a toy with you. If you don’t know how they’ll react, this is a smart strategy, especially if you’re concerned about being judged.
If you’re interested in a vibrating toy, like a harness or penis ring, tell them you’d really like to try something they can wear. Talk about how fun it would be and how it would make both of your sensations more pleasurable. Most importantly, focus on the fact that using a toy is about enjoying a pleasurable experience with your partner. It is not meant to replace them.
Email or text them if you’d rather not have this discussion face-to-face. Writing your thoughts down will help start the conversation, doing away with any uncertainty or embarrassment.
3. Choose the Type of Sex Toy Carefully
Once you’ve discussed it, it’s time to buy your first sex toy together. It can be perplexing as to where to start. There are solo toys, partner toys, external and internal ones, and many more. Both of you need to feel comfortable with it. Getting specific will be easier then.
There is no shortage of categories and types of sex toys on the market today. There are dildos, butt plugs, vibrators, suction toys, strap-ons, etc. Something like a realistic hollow strap-on is perfect for beginners. You might already have a toy you use by yourself. In that case, you might consider exploring it together. You could bring it into the bedroom at a time agreed with your partner in advance and show them how you use it. Then, guide them (physically or verbally) on using it or use it on them, then get them to use it on you.
You can try something completely new together. Sex therapists recommend researching and shopping for toys as a mutual activity couples can enjoy. It can help develop intimacy, shared expectation, and excitement. Don’t look only at toys for couples. Many of these are designed with inaccurate assumptions about anatomy. They try to please both men and women, but men and women enjoy different types of stimulation.
What’s more, a lot of people enjoy watching their partner use a toy as well as using one on them. You can use different toys and masturbate together.
4. Be Truly Open to Exploring
As you can see, the options are endless. Stay away from dictating what your toy of choice should look like. If your partner has expressed an interest in the potential of aids to make your sex life more exciting, it’s a great start. Don’t force your opinion on how you’re going to use toys or what toys you’re going to use. Keep talking about what sensations you want to explore together or enjoy and how sex toys will improve your sex life rather than make something completely new of it. It’s important to encourage one another to be creative.
Your ideas might differ or overlap. Talk and listen to each other. Before you can begin exploring the world of aided sexual stimulation, you need mutual respect, understanding, and patience.
5. Don't Be Critical
Many people turn to the idea of sex toys to overcome boredom or dissatisfaction in the bedroom. Don’t connect your interest to frustration or criticism of your sex life at the moment. It doesn’t matter how or when you start the discussion. Always keep in mind that your partner might feel insecure.
At the same time, don’t disregard or apologize for your wants and needs. That will lead to anxiety and stress. Focus on the component of exploring. Sex toys have the potential to bring amazing new experiences to both of you. It won’t be difficult to start using them. After all, most people want their partners to enjoy sex and are willing to seek additional stimulation to this end.
6. Don't Be Pushy
You might find your partner is not open to the idea of sex toys or even to talking about them. Don’t insist and don’t force the idea on them. Never try to guilt trip or make ultimatums. Ask them what it is about toys that makes them uncomfortable. There are plenty of toys for beginners. Your partner might harbor preconceived notions or bias toward toys or sex in general. These need to be addressed down the line.
7. Shopping Time
If it all worked out, it’s time to go shopping. You can shop at a physical store or online. Your choice of venue depends on who you and your partner are as people and your comfort level. If one or both of you are shy, online is better. Going into a store offers the advantages of being able to consult a professional on the right toy for you and getting any questions answered.