You are watching the television and there's a movie on the play. A disabled person is being portrayed by an ableist, mimicking how tough life can get not being able to do the ordinary. While the representation might be accurate, it does make one wonder just why disabled people are always being portrayed by those who know nothing of the situation or haven't experienced this themselves. The portrayal of disabled people on television and in films in a certain way is just part of the cookie-cutter that surrounds the narrative. When it comes to the other aspects of life where the ableist culture believes it understands what disabled people face and thus take the reigns, another such topic is sex. The handicapped are often treated like children and infantilized when it comes to intimate matters or erotic relationships.
Why do disabled people feel patronized in matters of sex?
Rachel Wotton, a sex worker and founding member of Touching Base, a charity that connects disabled people to sex workers have a strong argument when it comes to the kind of attitude that prevails in the industry when it is about disabled people having their needs fulfilled. In an article to The Atlantic, she says "For some people with disabilities, they only have one life, and to wait around for society to say 'I will date someone with cerebral palsy'-well, when you see some of my clients, their prospects of getting a partner are limited, if not nil. If they choose to see me, that's OK. Society should change its ways, too, but people with disabilities should have all the rights that people without disabilities have. It's not an all-or-nothing thing."
Disability advocate and former dating and relationships columnist, Alex Ghengis voiced her opinion in an interview with a publication saying "It commodifies sex in terms of action. It makes it so society can check this box that men are getting laid, so we don't have to have broader social change-we are giving them sex through a brothel, so we don't have to change our social attitudes around socially excluded people with disabilities. It pities and coddles us as if we are being given things that will assuage us ... rather than have society change around us.”
Mik Scarlet, a disabled TV presenter who is also an advice columnist at the disabled people's organization Enhance the U.K said in an interview with The Atlantic "Imagine this. I'm disabled, growing up in Luton, and it's now legal for me to go to a brothel to have sex for money because apparently, that's the only way I'm going to lose my virginity. Instantly, my relationship with sex is distorted, and it means that everyone I meet afterward is going to say, 'He's disabled, that means he's paid for sex; I don't want to go to bed with someone who's paid for it.' You've reinforced the fact that you can't give it away because you've paid for it."
He added that "We are reinforcing the idea that some people are too hideous and too disabled to have sex like the rest of us, and so they have to pay for it. And why is it OK to oppress women, to make their bodies a commodity? It's not all right just because we are on wheels. I want to live in a world where I am perceived as viable a sexual partner as anybody else."
What are sex toys and why do they act as assistive devices?
Devices that aid in people enjoying sex more and elevating the sense of pleasure that they experience, sex toys are actually a kind of assistive device. When speaking of a disabled person, an assistive device is a great help to live a life of quality. But more than simply enhancing the quality of life, what these assistive devices do is meet the disabled person in the space where they are. They do not try to correct or change habits and behaviours but instead assist the person at whichever stage they might be at. In an ableist culture that stigmatizes disability, sex toys are starting to be the new assistive devices that put pleasure and joy back into life.
Why are sex toys much more than pleasure stores for the disabled?
A sex toy essentially reintroduces the thrill into the life of the person who is experimenting with it. For disabled persons, who have lived under the influence of the idea that their bodies are simply made to be researched on, experimented upon, looked at, and treated as fragile as glass, sex toys that introduce pleasure are a great boon. It changes the narrative, giving these persons the freedom to engage in their own share of joy, without having to conform to the norms of ableist culture. It gives them the feeling of sexual autonomy.
Everyone, whether disabled or not has the power to dictate their own terms when it comes to sex. This concept termed sexual autonomy refers to the prerogative that one has to decide with whom, when, and under what circumstances they wish to engage in sexual activity. The concept plays a vital role especially when it comes to disabled persons and their usage of sex toys. Whether it is anal toys, toys that help with clitoral stimulation, vibrator, cock ring, or even difficulty in having an erection due to erectile dysfunction, sex toys can be a great help and this is exactly what sexual autonomy wishes to ascertain.
Kara Ayers, associate director of the University of Cincinnati Center for Excellence in Developmental Disabilities said in an interview with a publication that “For non-disabled people, the idea of disabled people having sex doesn't fit with their mental model of how they understand disabled people. We are perpetually infantilized so there's that conundrum. They also largely don't see us as lovers, parents, partners, one-night stands. Superficial ideas and misogyny also play a role here in people being fairly inflexible with what (or) who they consider sexually attractive."
What should you keep in mind if you are disabled and choosing sex toys
With a disability, come added checklists to tick off while going about selecting a toy to seek pleasure. If you have taken the jump, here's what you should be checking for before you choose THE ONE.
Criterion 1: What do you want the toy to do
The number one decider while going in for a toy, is what you wish for it to do to satisfy you. IMBesharam has an extensive range of toys with descriptions that are as detailed as they can get and you'll rest assured be taking away the best. If you are looking for something that satisfies the rear, you may want to check out anal toys, or if you are conventional, clitoral stimulation may be just the thrill you seek. There are also masturbators for men that are available. Decide upon the sexual pleasure you seek and then browse through the website to get just what you are looking for.
Criterion 2: Choose the texture
Unknownst to many, the texture does play a significant role in the pleasure levels, the comfort as well as how far you can go in experimenting with it. Always be sure to check the description of the product that highlights what material it is made of and how you can toy with it. Be wary about those that contain phthalates as these can be harmful and also porous sex toys that tend to accumulate fluids and thus are optimal for bacterial growth. The last thing you want is a UTI infection.
Criterion 3: Budget
When it comes to satisfying the budget criteria, IMBesharam is the place you need to check out. A buyer's paradise for all things pleasure and fun and at the best rates! The good part about hot octopus or just about any of the adult toys, the fun is in the experimenting. As soon as you figure that a toy is working the magic for you, of course, you'd want to keep it around but that doesn't mean you stop experimenting with the rest. So go ahead and try these very affordable toys until you find your vibe.
Criterion 4: Motor control
For those with a disability, a criterion that just needs to be perfect is the motor control and the convenience of operating the sex toy. When it comes to anal toys, you don't want to lose your energy in the pursuit of the right spot and thus, motor control of the toy does matter a great deal. Clitoral stimulation when done right can be just the right spark to give you sexual pleasure and you want to choose the vibrator wisely.
Criterion 5: Sensation
Certain disabilities cause a decreased sensation in the private areas of people. Having a disability is no excuse to lose out on sexual pleasure and for this purpose, sex toys by IMBesharam are curated to be extremely sensitive and cause arousal. Whether it is a vibrator, a cock ring, or more, the sensation in the genitals will be just right.
What are the best sex positions when one or both partners are disabled?
The purpose of the toys is to let you have fun no matter what the disability or problem, and here are some sex positions and products that you can try out.
The door jam sex sling is a product for when one of the partners is bound to a wheelchair and cannot put the weight of their body onto the limbs. The sex sling is perfect for the partner to be strapped to the door and the other to penetrate while simultaneously controlling the extent of it. A pleasant experience for both partners!
G spot link that you will get from IMBesharam is customized for people whose disability prevents them from raising their legs into the air for the partner to go down on them and tease the G spot. The toy enables such people to have their legs raised to a level where the spot can be accessed.
The thigh strap-on is a customized toy that people can use especially for those who love to have their hands free during sex to get more intimate with their partner. The strap-on works well for those who are wheelchair-bound or have difficulties thrusting and penetrating.
Ticklers, paddles, and even feathers help get the sensation back into the foreplay for people who are desensitized to intimate feelings. These stimulate the nerve endings, compelling them to experience heightened feelings of pleasure.
For disabled people, sex toys are a way of acknowledging their humanity. Being disabled and daring to speak of sex is still taboo in the 21st century and sex toy companies are aiming to change this. Bringing inclusivity back into the sexual space is seen more as a way of acknowledging the human side of these people, their needs, desires, and their sex drives.
Choosing the right toy
Here's a list of the best sex toys that you should check out if you are looking for some fun and have a physical disability.
Womanizer Premium Rechargeable Smart Silence Clitoral Stimulator Red
The toy proves that you can have fun even if it is by yourself! Mimicking the feeling of someone going down on you and doing a brilliant job there, this toy brings excitement to the table and offers you a whole host of pleasures.
Hot Octopus DiGiT Finger Vibrator
Slip it onto the finger and go about having the best sensations of your life. The hot octopus is designed for those who are living with a disability and can't reach within the confines of the labia due to restricted movement. Prepare to have your sex life revolutionized with this toy.
Satisfyer Satisfyer Pro Traveler
When it comes to sex toys for the disabled, this one is definitely one that should be on your list. The beauty of this toy is that it is literally like a magic wand producing a titillating sensation at the part where it is used. In those who have disabilities, particularly spinal cord injury, the loss of sensation is common in the upper body area and some nerves and this toy increases the sensation and sensitivity in the area it is used.
Icicles No 24 Tentacle Glass Dildo 6 Inch
Improving sexual activity and helping with achieving penetrative sex through ASMR. The dildo is fashioned with ridges that make the experience simply amazing and wonderful on whichever part of the body it is used. One of the best sex toys for the disabled.
Have you something in mind? IMBesharam has it all. An extensive range for you to browse through and select from.