"Is a tampon like a makeshift dildo?" - something someone actually said to me once. I mean, I was so stumped for an answer I just said yes and left it at that - so person who told me this, if you're out there, reading this - it's not true. Sorry, not sorry.
There are so many other people who believe these weird and outright stupid things about periods and sometimes it's funny, but other times you're just contemplating - "do I really have to be friends with this person anymore?"
But more than anyone else in the world, if there is one group of people who knows almost nothing about periods is men. Men have the vaguest and most outrageous ideas of what periods are like - and it's concerning.
Here are some things about periods that many men believe in -
You Can Control Your Period
First of all, I wish. I really wish I could control my periods because then I'd never have to get a single period in my life. It's a common running theme for men to believe that periods are controllable by us women and that we just don't know how to do it right, which is why we struggle.
You remember that running Twitter thread where women shared stories about men and their thoughts on periods? Most of the tread was just "My ex thought women could control their periods and he asked me too switch them off and schedule for another date so we could have sex."
So basically, these people think we have a switch but we just can't reach it - that's why we just, keep bleeding. Trust me, if we knew we had a switch and it wasn't in reach we would find some sort of jugaad to make it work, but unfortunately, we do not have a switch that we can just turn on and off as we like. Sorry to be the one to break it to you.
Periods Are Like Pee
I know you have to be in the second grade to believe this, but a grown-ass man once told me - "Dude wearing pads on your periods is like me still wearing diapers because I'm too lazy to pee."
Sir, do you think I am peeing blood?
I was so rattled, I asked him what it meant and he said, verbatim - "God, let it be. Women make such a big deal of small things. Just go to the washroom on time man." It's honestly anybody's guess to understand what he meant.
If we peed blood, do you think we would just sit around all day and do nothing about it? Just soak ourselves in blood pee all day long and do nothing about it? What kind of savage animals do you think we are?
Periods Are Like A Waterfall
If peeing blood wasn't enough, some people believe that periods run like waterfalls - endlessly and all the damn time. I mean this isn't the most outrageous one, but it sure as hell is funny to think of.
I guess sometimes, it does feel like a waterfall on a day with heavy flow, but there's no gushing and gooshing. Just clots and flow. I don't think that counts as a waterfall, okay? And how funny would it be if all of us bled like a waterfall and then just acted all fine and normal when there is a whole waterfall happening down there?
Periods Are A New Age Dietary Side Effect
Okay, see I know that there have been like a hundred new diseases that have come about simply because of our new dietary needs, but like - periods, really?
Some really smart man on Twitter once tweeted - "In ancient times women didn't get periods because they followed a very healthy diet. It's now that women have their periods every month and then whine about it - just eat right and you won't get a period at all."
I am just going to start stuffing my face with leaves now, so I never have to get a single period in my life and everything will be great and organized.
Do I really have to explain that periods are not some new age dietary side effect? I thought it was fairly obvious.
Men, please find a biology book and talk to some women about their period, instead of telling them what to do with it.